Well before the weekend I was the happiest I have been before...until I found out that my guy didn't want to be "committed" to me.

Life can be tough. Why do I worry about wanting someone??? My desire is for my husband right? a curse. I need to not worry any other guys. I do not like knowing either that I am completely replacable and not special. I really love this guy.....since the first time I met him there was something different about him. Different about the way I wanted to treat and act towards him.

My heart is confused. He said he jumped the gun yet he asked if I wanted to go home with him. So I did and I spent the weekend with him and I had a great time. We've started to get closer physically but there is still something that holds me back.

I feel so sad and overwhelmed at this point. I don't want to lose him but I can't control anybody. I feel pain inside. On top of that I have't found a place to live just yet and I may be changing jobs here real soon.

I do not enjoy this job that much...I haven't even been here.

I should be happy that I am alive and that my family loves me. I am hurt...I am real hurt but I am not sure if I should be feeling as down as I am. I've been wrong about this guy all along and he told me he's not leaving me.

my bday is this sunday. We'll see what's up. I just have to have joy. Lord grant me joy in the midst of what I feel is agony of the heart.

I love someone and he told me he loved me...up until that point all we ever did was show it by our actions in being there for and with eachother. Now we are at a different level. I need to get back to work.

There is a powwow next weekend and my outfit is not ready.....I need to get sewin. Things that I wanted to be ready aren't. I've been preoccupied with other things.

Lord help me....help me....surround me with your love.....I am helpless....love me

Before - next

~~All things are permissable but not all things are beneficial~~