I went to the John Edwards rally. It was interesting. I didn't like it really. John Edwards just telling people what's wrong with Cheney and Bush and what he promises he and Kerrey will do. I think it's like that on both sides. Arlan got to speak too. He did a good talk. I went with Dwight and then I met up with Michelle B. and Sean. Alicia and Octavia showed up too. Alicia can be so crazy. I have rarely seen two people who are so glued together. I do not believe I have ever been like that....there was really no chance for me to be like that...and that isn't my personality.

Well it's the fourth week of my job..or something like that..I think I have next week's teaching...I better get on that. Right now I just don't feel like I used to. I am here at my grandma's still....nothing really opens up for me anywhere else....I go places...the chance to go places always comes up but I come back here.

So for the second time someone wanted or wants to come and see me. What is up with that?? Come to see me to do what?? sleep with me?? or they think they can sleep with me?? Does he really value me as a person..?? yeah right...in some aspects maybe. But really...honestly...what is up with that...it hurts my heart to know once again because of the character of the person.

Then one night I had a phone call from this one gentleman who has had his eye on me for awhile now. I know that because one of his buddies told me straight up. But it was just a conversation and he was pretty awesome. Real sweet sounding....nothing too rugged.

Rugged....what a word. I was chattin with my good buddy...he's good to talk with. He was talkin about "thug appeal"...ha ha ha. How that does appeal to me...but man...now I think about it and have to smile because the way he says it echoes in my mind. I am thankful to talk with someone who seems to have so much in common with me and than not. he's sweet, smart, and I hope he does well in life. I respect him much...and he has a daughter and wants to continue to take care of her. What a guy. On top of all that he makes me laugh....I am not the one having to make the jokes...it's just in him. He isn't wanting anything from me either...well that I sense...ah forget it.

There are a lot of things we can accomplish in this life. We just need not give up on who and what we were made for. In time things will come but not if we continually go in the opposite direction of what we know is right. That gets us nowhere fast.

boiling points is awesome...that show on mtv. Sometimes it's hard for me to watch.

Jesus. Am I ignoring you?? sometimes i just don't want to hear the music on the radio on the christian stations...I just don't like it sometimes...what is up?? Am I supposed to like it?? well man.

I gots to go. just needed to write some stuff down.

see ya.

Before - next

~~All things are permissable but not all things are beneficial~~