So far so good.

That's what I wanted to write the other day but I couldn't..there were too many people on diaryland or something.

Well I finally had a good nights rest last night. It's been hot here and it's not very comfortable when you have no fans or air conditioner to keep you cool...so I open the window and it cools off sometime in the early morning. Anyways today is the last day of class....tomorrow we have a test and then that's it.

I am supposed to meet my mom here at noon time.

I had a hard time last night. I was trying to tell someone something but it seemed that they didn't want to hear it....or I could've assumed they didn't...but it's a situation that hurts and I am not seeing or feeling that until now. So I got off the phone with that person and I called another one of my friends so that I wouldn't cry...and I didn't talk about what just happened all in detail either. So I felt a little better after that and then I went into the garage to practice dancing. That was fun but because it's so hot I sweat a lot faster.

Next weekend is the pow wow. How time flys...and then Alaska. This weekend I hope to go to the lake with my friends and my bro. We'll have to see if it works out.

i was listening to a sermon yesterday about our consequences of our actions. We still have to go through them even though we get up and see God's light i a situation. And that's what I believe right now I am going through. I wish so much I had my virginity back. I just get in these mind sets...not as much as before about wanting/desiring to be with this person whom I had been so physical with but he's far away and there are things he does I do not want in my life. Having sex and being intimate is a good thing within marriage because you can freely think about and desire to be with that person and you can be with that person because you live with them and you are together. But outside it's like a nagging at my soul, a ripping apart of my desire because I have done that outside of marriage with a person whom I can't be with at the moment or I probably won't end up with. It's torture at times. So I pray and have to focus my mind on other things.

And so I may be going to Poland and Israel. I am so excited about that. Hopefully I will have my beadwork done by then. My big beadwork projects anyways.

The other night I told my cousin to get out of my grandma's house. He went there to find things so he could smoke his marijuana. He was drunk too. He said some mean things to me but I just wanted him to leave and he did. It made me so sad though. I was thinking about joe and if he did that would I do the same thing....I felt like crying. I wish drugs weren't around....they have destroyed so many people's lives and children's lives. Makes me sad...the addiction is purely selfish and the person can't even think like a real person. Right after he left a commercial came on and it was an ad against drugs but natives were in it. So many native kids are addicted to drugs and alcohol....so many...and it's like it's the thing to do.

Before - next

~~All things are permissable but not all things are beneficial~~