When we need to really confront something and lay it down...it is painful. Things are given up with a cost. But we can't continue to let ourselves be treated in a way contrary to God's word if that's what we believe in. It will suck and rob us of the life Christ is trying to lead us to live.

It's painful and not easy. But if we do not do it then we will continue to reap what we sow and be in misery.

So last night on the phone I told him not to call me until he thinks about those things ...if he ever gets around to it.

Here's what I was dealing with. This guy wants to be with me physically while I am around...and says he wants more than that as well but nothing he does backs up his words. He has not completely let go of all the other women...26 yr olds and older...he hasn'et let them go. And man...it's hard to hang in there and let someone continue to talk to you when they obviously are still attached to someone else....and it's even tougher when that someone else is nothing like you at all. I am not into getting drunk and sleeping around...or calling and hanging up on people or hitting on guys because I get mad at them...yet that's what this guy wants to hold onto. someone told him that I am the best thing that could've happened to him...but he fails to see...his pride is majorly in the way. And the thing of it is that if I did say I would be him regardless that he is still attached to this other woman and prone to cheat...he would treat me like crap and try to control me. It would be a power struggle or a way he could belittle me to justify himself. On top of all of that he does'nt pray with me or show any kind of regard to work on spiritual things and be a leader that way to protect and love me.

I just got to the point that I had to make it clear that I can't be treated that way. I can't put up with someone wanting the worse thing. And if I continued the way I was I would eventually be trapped and be treated badly. I gave him a chance and he was'nt grateful...nothin changed as far as leaving the past behind and the old ways.

I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday about marriages that are at the brink of divorce. It was bad. But I know that's how it ends up when we fail to do things right...it has to be corrected and there is a lot of pain to go through to get to the healing and joy. I do not want that for me life. I do not want to be worrying whether or not the guy I am with is cheating on me, or leaving parts of the truth out, or just not telling me things. I also do not want someone who doesn't like to be around other people and try to take me and be alone with me all the time. I do not want someone who under any circumstances is in the habit of cussing and swearing and able to call be degrading names. I do not need someone antagonizing me and messing with my mind to get attention and have all of my attention. That's what I see if i get involved with this person....but I am not going. And I encourage any ladies who come across this diary to not put up with it either. There is a Father in Heaven who knows your longing desire for a husband...a good man. Christ didn't die so you could give yourself to some hurtful man..he came to give you wisdom and lead you to a man he has for you so that therein he can have you experience love like he created it.

But nothing is easy to do that involves breaking off a destructive or potentially destructive relationship. But it is our right to do that. We have Christ to empower us and lead us the way we need to go. Leave the person to God. Pray and go on. Grieve and go on. It hurts and deserves grieving attention. IF we dont' grieve and go on...there is no closure and again the cycle can repeat itself.

"IF I said I love you"

"Will you say I love you too"

"Wanna be together"

part of some lyrics to a song i was listening to .

Before - next

~~All things are permissable but not all things are beneficial~~