2004-03-29 and it was 1:12 p.m. when I wrote this:
All in all he came all this way down here and I can see...feel that this is not going to work. The way our relationship should be is that of friends. No one can force things there that just aren't.
As a woman we need to stand up for how we should be treated and need to be treated.
Last night we were talking about some things...a lot of things. No matter what has happened there is something that just isn't there that needs to be there and that is God's blessing.
Yesterday we were together the whole time and I have no idea whether or not people will believe that sex did not happen. There was a lot of things that got confronted in just a little while. We cannot change people and I know that. Attraction is not enough. Attraction is not enough and physicality is deceiving. By walking away and straightening things out to what the correct form of something could be...God can bless that. It's not our way...but accepting His way and what He has and does not have for us at the right times.
I stood the ground against the temptation that has overtaken me at one time...but by prayer and truth that has strengthened me the focus of the desire has been taken and controlled by the holy spirit once my will started letting go. Letting go.
And I think I don't want something...but ultimately like I said....like we both said..we know what we experienced and know it happened..yet it's a memory.
Also today I sat down today in the house with my grandmother and I just felt a heart to heart connection because it's just us in that house now. I told her that I couldn't go on with Joe. I told him that I cannot allow him to call me his girlfriend. It's not right. Things and discernment just point to things that aren't right. But one thing that does flow right is when we just talk and not touch and just be away from all physical stuff. But that's a hard thing to come by and stuff but we are more than conquerors with Jesus as long as we surrender our will and allow him to restore.
